I, I Who Have Nothing

The Brown man's speech to the labour Party conference helped to redefine platitude. It was almost 7,500 words long and when read in the cold light of day it is so full of fluff and self promotion as to be very annoying. He used the 'I' word, 121 times; as if we ever doubted it he's a man of strong self-belief.

OK, number one he managed to mention Iraq just once in his speech. He said. "Because we will do our duty and discharge our obligations, we will work in Iraq and Afghanistan for three objectives: security, political reconciliation and economic reconstruction, and at all times we will do everything to ensure the security of our dedicated armed forces. " No mention of why we are there in the first place and how we are to get out of it.

"I tell you today: there is a global poverty emergency." Now there's a turn up for the books. Where's he been for the last 30 years?

"So we plan to help first time buyers and we will increase house-building to 240,000 new homes a year." So will all these houses be at prices that first time buyers can afford? Do you promise Gordon?

"But as a teenager I saw close friends of mine who might have gone to college or an apprenticeship or to university who never did. I know some could not to afford to stay on at school. For others, their potential had never been nurtured." - And going to university solves everything? We're creating a generation whose expectations are being nurtured to the point that they can never ever be realised.

Finally he mentioned British, 28 times in his speech. Methinks he doth protest too much.

Come the hour, come the day, let's hope everyone remembers he's part of the problem, not the solution. The great Gordo, fond of disappearing when he’s needed is not the answer. The trouble neither is nor is Dave. Oh Bugger!